Bekaverse

so it is now officially Sunday morning, and I should be curling up in my covers of my most comfortable bed to sleep for church tomorrow morning, but I feel the need to write.

Things these past few weeks have been mediocre. I feel like I have just been dealing with the things that are being thrown at me. I guess you can say I feel like a robot. I am just going through life and not thinking. I am doing the actions that I need to just to get by. I am doing the bare minimum, and its pretty low. Recently I felt like I have forgotten about others around me. I am been a really bad and unreliable friend. I really don’t want to be unreliable. I have failed at my calling in church and do not feel adaquate to accomplish what is asked of me. We have meetings and i go and participate, but once I leave that meeting everything that I know I am supposed to do gets moved to the back of my head and forgotten. Emily, I am very sorry that I have slacked in my calling. I have failed in so many ways.

To Melvin (I’m pretty sure you don’t read this, but still), I am truely sorry. You counted on me for my help and I have failed you. When you asked a favor of me I accepted whole-heartedly, I wanted to do it. then when i thought about it more, I felt very unqualified to write what you asked. Then it just got put in the back of my mind and seriously forgot. I remembered after I said I was going to give it to you. Now I am just to scared, I failed you as a friend and I hope it is not my fault if things happened. Sorry.

To Whitney, I am sorry I missed your bridal shower today. I even specifically told you that I was going to be there. I felt like you really wanted me there too. I have just felt like I have failed you since I have not seen you in a while. I hope I didn’t ruin your fun today. But I forgot to RSVP and then totally forgot about it all together. I feel really bad for not going after I said I would be there.

My mind has been so wrapped up in school, work and a certain someone that I have abandoned the world. I have become an unreliable person. Hopefully I will be able to fix what has happened to me and will become the reliable person I thought I was.

have you ever had those moments in which you feel like you just need to break down and cry for no apparent reason? Yeah, me too. I am in one right now.

Well, I at least hope that everyone has that feeling every once in a while. I think it is good for the body and soul to cry. You can’t just hold anything and everything in, even if you are a guy. I think guys should be more willing to talk. Do guys ever get emotionally stuck?? I believe they can, they just deny it. If only men would realize that its okay to talk about emotions and feelings so they are not just sitting inside making thing uneasy or depressing. But I am not saying that men should do it all the time like women. But a good emotional out-pour (at least) 2 times a year would be good.

Well hello to you out there! Its been awhile since I last wrote and I just wrote about my snake =) I guess the reason why some people read blogs is to keep up to date with what people are up to in their lives. So just so you are informed here is my update:

Current Name: Beka
Current Nickname: Bucky
Residence: the same one I have been in for the past year. I love this place
Work: Currently 3 jobs, 2 at the Bean Museum and I recently took a job as a SOAR counselor, like I was last year. I am super excited. Our first group of kids come a week from today. WHOO HOO!
Hobbies: work, work, and work. If I had the time i would love to just go out and enjoy nature and take pictures.
Things I do with my time that is not the most useful: watch movies, tv, documentaries etc. Just sitting around
Current Education status: I am now classified as a super-senior. I am starting my 5th year of college majoring in Integrative Biology and I will be done in December. I am taking the GRE in august. *eek* =|
Church calling: 2nd counselor in the Relief Society (why they chose me I have no idea)
Relationship status: Single, as I always have been
Things she should do with my free time: Clean my room, write friends and family letters, work on my eternal salvation, plan devotionals for SOAR, read a good book, study for the GRE, save money, and I have sure there are a lot my things I should be doing.

What else do you want to know?

Favorite color: Purple and Green (to wear: black)
Favorite article of clothing: shoes, I just bought a pair of kelly green converse (I love em’)
If I had all the money in the world the lovely worldly materials i would spend it on: Playstation 3 and the DDR games, a mini cooper, a new phone, a ridiculously nice camera, and a tour around the world, and all the shoes I could ever want (every color of Chuck Taylor’s).

Now its late and I need to go to bed so I can get up for work tomorrow…ugh…just one more week of work, then SOAR!

well, I am happy to announce that a snake that I have been watched for a friend has now been found!!
I took care of the snake February to September 2007. Then when I moved into my new apartment I gave Regi to Mary, who I worked with at the time and who happened to be in my new ward. I was nice to have Regi so close. =) Anyways, probably October or November last year someone, who shall remain unnamed, feel asleep while holding Regi and allowed her to wander off. I was very sad due to the loss, so sad I couldn’t do anything for days (not really, but we can pretend). But Regi had never resurfaced so we thought she was dead…=(…

BUT…
a week ago today, Regi was found on the bathroom of the apartment she was lost in. The prodigal snake had returned! I was so excited and happy I couldn’t contain myself. I made my day, week, year, everything. She appears to be the same size as when she left us but just a little slimmer. I have no idea if she had eaten anything while she was exploring the world or if she just slept through the coldest months. But that night I ran and got her a cage and food from the Bean Museum. I feed her two fuzzies, and I am sure she could have ate more. Also she was parched, she spent a lot of time at her water bowl when I put it in. It is so cool to watch snakes drink. =)

So that’s the great news! Now I won’t have to give my friend bad news when she gets back from her mission! I will just have to give Regi back…sad…

**picture coming soon**

whelp, i am sitting here in the hallway of the Widsoe building. It is now 10:42 and I was supposed to print my poster for class at 10:00. My professor knew I coming, where is he?

The past two days have been rough. I have had to work on my Animal Behavior paper non-stop it seems. The past two nights I have gone to bed after 2 am. Which luckily I have not had to do at any other time in the semester. But now I am done with the paper and poster (if i could just print it off). It feels good, but not too good because I now have to start on my 2 other papers due next week…ugh.

I also have some exciting and some not-so-exciting news. First, the good news (because I like good news) I got another job starting this spring/summer and going into the fall. I will be working in the Mammal collection at the Monte L. Bean Life Science Museum. So I am excited to start off on a new adventure. I think it is about time that I don’t work the education job and the museum. I need something new. Don’t get me wrong I love the job, just not as much as I used to. So most likely I will only work in the collection in the Fall.

Now the not-so-exciting news, I am not going to Mexico with one of my professors. I was really looking forward to it and thought that I had a good chance of going, but apparently not (just my luck). I also thought the same way about the Patagonia field study that I applied for last year. Maybe I am not supposed to do field research (but I really want to). but this is also good in that I can go to Michelle’s wedding. Maybe that is the whole purpose behind me not being able to go. (I will just think of it that way).
but don’t worry Rob. I will follow your advice and still get my passport renewed. I am sure it will come in handy one day. =) I should just make my own trip to Canada this summer. How much fun would that be?? WAY FUN!

Anyways, I got to be on my way, I have better stuff to do than to wait for my professor. Its his fault if I cant print my poster off today. =)

I thought everything turned out how it was supposed to. But then its getting all messed up again. But i hope it is for the best.

I really wish i could live by the motto “HAKUTA MATATA” I wish i had no worries for the rest of my days. My problem free philosophy. If only… But it is true, I live in the real world where I actually have to work for what I want. I don’t mind working and doing the very lowly, behind the scenes work, some of it I actually find relaxing (i’m crazy!) But I don’t enjoy it when I feel like no progress is being made in accomplishing my goal. This is currently how my research is going. I am getting through samples and getting them prepped. But there are so many that I feel like I’m not getting any closer to getting done. Its very discouraging.

In my classes I am doing average, but I feel like I could be doing so much better. I should also be putting in more time. My animal disease class have been very neglected; i did horrible on all three tests and I am prepared to fail my next one this next week. So I am hoping to get some good studying in this weekend. I think i am going to be pretty lonely this weekend to. I think two of my roomies are going to one of their aunt’s house. Then my room roomie is probably going home…im really for an exciting weekend.

But i am excited for next monday, that will be the day that my mom and sister will get here. then i can spend all week with them. =) I need it.

To all those who read this (well, the one person that reads this…Hi bob-O!) this weekend I have felt like a back stabber to my room mates. I don’t think I personally did anything…but things just happened to me to make me feel like this. I never thought I would be in this position. I felt like I caused my room mates to lose hope and crush their hearts. I didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t think things were in my control. Hopefully I will get through this and things will end up like they are supposed to. Sorry, I did not do anything, they just happened. I can’t be responsible for others actions or words.

Happy Daylight savings!! **REMEMBER** SPRING FORWARD an hour

whew, yesterday was a long day! I went on 24 hours with a total for 4 hours of sleep the night before…ugh. So here my story begins:
I was excited for Saturday. I was going to see a black bear (and hopefully cubs if she had any this year). I knew there were going to be a lot of people at this place with the black bear because the Professor in charge invites everybody upon everybody to come (Dr. Roeder calls it his “ward/family reunion”). So originally I did not want to go, BUT James (a kid that i work in a lab with) and I are in doing a research project on black bears so we need samples. So that was my whole purpose of going was to get those samples. I was excited to actually do some field work. In order to get to the meeting place at 10 am we had to leave here around 5am. James, his wife, and their cute little boy picked me up just after 5. We got to the meeting place and after Dr. Black’s “grand” speech to the masses, we had to drive another 10-15 minutes up the mountain; on a super muddy, watery, cliffy, “oh my gosh i might fall to my death” road.
THEN, Dr. Black tell everyone that it will be about a 3/4 mile hike in. So We all thought it would be a pretty short trip. So James, Miranda (his wife) and I all packed light. We had little water, no food and only one bottle for their little boy. Well, it turned in to a 5 hour hike up and down mountains in snow….i hate Dr. Black. for half the hike the trackers (Dr. Black’s favorites, family and the peeps from Department of Natural resources) didn’t even have a signal for the bear. When they did find it, we pretty much made a big U…I hate Dr. Black.
THEN when they did drug the bear up, James and I were supposed to be the ones to take the samples. We were the last ones there because we forgot the backpack with the sample packet at our last stop so James had to go and run back for it. But we got to the bear just 10 min after it has been down. James and I ran down there to see and they were already taking the samples WE were supposed to take…THEY COULDN’T HAVE WAITED!!! I was on a cliff looking down at them taking our samples. I want to jump down on those people and rip their faces off and say, “what do you think you doing.” I was so angry…I was supposed to be the one down there with the bear taking the pictures and samples……i hate Dr. Black. So many things got screwed up that day…I hate Dr. Black. the only think James and I got to do was take claw samples…ooo…so exciting. So James, Miranda and I wanted to get outta there. All three of us were so frustrated the whole hike! We were actually only expecting to be there until no later than 1pm. We finally made it back to our truck about 5:30pm. So left ASAP before more idiots messed up the crappy road. Our plan was to be home by 9pm.
BUT, we got home and 4:30am this morning….I hate Dr. Black. All day long it was nice and bright and sunny, I even got a little sun burned. We were driving home and it was still nice weather but we could see some clouds coming in and I was thinking, “we’ll get some nice rain on the way home.” So after three hours (approx. 8:45pm) we got to the mouth of Spanish Fork canyon and low and behold the canyon was closed due to weather. they said it would open up in about 3 hours and even after that the roads wouldn’t still be great. So we decided against it. Once you are at the mouth of that canyon there is no alt. route…
So we thought to back track an hour, take I-70 west to I-15 then go up to Provo. With clear roads we figured it would take us 4-5 hours, about the same time it would if we were to wait in Price for the canyon to open up (but still bad roads). So we all agreed to go that route, figuring the storm wouldn’t hit us….little did we know it would. We spent about 2 hours on I-70 going 20 miles/hour. So definitly took us a lot longer than planned. We eventually got into Provo at 4:30am…it was a long day.
My lack of sleep the night before and the energy spent on the hike in the snow and sun didn’t help either.
So they dropped me off then I went straight for bed and slept until 12pm. I tried getting up for church, but my body would not let me. At 12 i was awake for about an hour, took a shower, ate. then fell asleep again until 5:30. I have been awake since then, but am now ready to sleep again….ahh sleep.

To this story, there may be minor details left out by accident (or on purpose), but its the jist of the story. As for those random “i hate Dr. Black” blurbs in there. I probably really hated him yesterday (with a passion), but now I have them outta of my system. I still dislike him, just not a super strong hatred.

There is no way denying that it was definitly monday today. First off, i went to bed at my normal time and was totally capable of getting up for my eight o’clock class. But i accidently set my alarm for pm not am. so i woke up at 8:40 am; with only 10 minutes left of my class. Then i went through the rest of the day well. My friend in english reminded me of my library research class at five today. so i went home at 2 after my last class. i knew i had to be at the library at 5pm. 5:15 rolls around and i was still sitting on the couch working on stuff. i got so angry at myself. i forgot!!! i never forget! i am turning into my mother!! ahhh!! just kidding.

THEN, I went to work to send an email out asking if anyone can work for me tomorrow night so i can attend another library class. someone called back and said they would work for me if i worked wednesday night. But i asked my friend Matt to work that shift for me too. so anyway, i left and i later text matt to make sure he was going to work on wednesday. a few txt go back and forth and then he calls. He was wondering if those text messages were ment for him. and then i realize i have been sending text messages to the wrong matt. i felt like a idiot, i didnt even realize it was a different matt. i have two Matts in my phone: Matt E and Matt M. so i was sending txt to Matt E when i ment to send them to Matt M. so yeah….i felt so stupid that i didnt realize i was sending them to the wrong person until he called me.
BIGGEST SPAZ RIGHT HERE!!
so later i called the right matt and talked to him and told him my embarassing moment. then that whole conversation i thought it was tuesday. but no…its still monday.
maybe deep down my brain was hoping it was tuesday, so i could be out of this monday mess.

just was not my day.

i have hated being a girl yesterday and today. mainly becuase last night i was angry at my room mate for being angry at me. How stupid is that? Only girls would be that stupid. Plus, i thought it she had a stupid reason for being angry at me. she just took something totally out of context, i guess she cant always understand my sarcasm. sad…. anyways she snapped back at me and got up and left. oh well, what could i do?
this is the part of being a girl that i dont like. stupid emotions. At times i like them, but then when you get those idiotic emotions; thats when becoming a girl sucks.
i better finish…my room mate really wants to know what i am writing. i dont know if i should let her see quite yet. but if she already looks at my post then she will know what i was writing.
GOOD NIGHT!