Bekaverse

so it is now officially Sunday morning, and I should be curling up in my covers of my most comfortable bed to sleep for church tomorrow morning, but I feel the need to write.

Things these past few weeks have been mediocre. I feel like I have just been dealing with the things that are being thrown at me. I guess you can say I feel like a robot. I am just going through life and not thinking. I am doing the actions that I need to just to get by. I am doing the bare minimum, and its pretty low. Recently I felt like I have forgotten about others around me. I am been a really bad and unreliable friend. I really don’t want to be unreliable. I have failed at my calling in church and do not feel adaquate to accomplish what is asked of me. We have meetings and i go and participate, but once I leave that meeting everything that I know I am supposed to do gets moved to the back of my head and forgotten. Emily, I am very sorry that I have slacked in my calling. I have failed in so many ways.

To Melvin (I’m pretty sure you don’t read this, but still), I am truely sorry. You counted on me for my help and I have failed you. When you asked a favor of me I accepted whole-heartedly, I wanted to do it. then when i thought about it more, I felt very unqualified to write what you asked. Then it just got put in the back of my mind and seriously forgot. I remembered after I said I was going to give it to you. Now I am just to scared, I failed you as a friend and I hope it is not my fault if things happened. Sorry.

To Whitney, I am sorry I missed your bridal shower today. I even specifically told you that I was going to be there. I felt like you really wanted me there too. I have just felt like I have failed you since I have not seen you in a while. I hope I didn’t ruin your fun today. But I forgot to RSVP and then totally forgot about it all together. I feel really bad for not going after I said I would be there.

My mind has been so wrapped up in school, work and a certain someone that I have abandoned the world. I have become an unreliable person. Hopefully I will be able to fix what has happened to me and will become the reliable person I thought I was.