We make our destiny, at least that’s what they told me

destiny photo

Photo by stela.maris

So life has a funny way of, well, being life. While growing up I was told that all I had to do was work hard and I would be able to provide for my family. I was told I just had to find a good job after school and put my head down and prove my worth.  I’ve done that numerous times and each time have come to the one inescapable fact, I’m just a number to the corporations of the world.

Normally this wouldn’t bother me much, as I’ve been busy thumbing my nose at them for years.  However, as I’ve aged I’ve also come to realization that they control the wealth.  Something like that is sobering realization for a lower middle class denizen like myself.  I don’t like them but I need to play nice nice if I expect to make any of their money.  I think that is the hardest part of the whole experience. Playing nice almost always meaning I have to perform according to some arbitrary numbers that they try and make me adhere too.  How much time you spend on break, how long you spend talking to a customer, how happy that customer is about your performance when you help them, all that is a part of your number the employer keeps on you.

Right now Im not disgruntled at my job, but Im certainly not happy.  One number that of attendance has kept me from moving around the company and even threatened my job.  I get it you don’t want an employee who isn’t seen as reliable, but here’s the thing, I have diabetes, this thing has been screwing with my life since I was diagnosed.  When i get sick I stay sick, even if its a simple cold, I will be out a minimum of 2 days.  Once again they have numbers for all this and those numbers have gotten bad enough to warrant a final warning 2 times in my employment there.  This doesn’t bother me too much because I am on the hunt for another hopefully better paying job right now. However, there is that one little niggle about how I don’t feel like a valued member of the company.  I watch as other people who I know I work just as hard if not harder than get promoted or get to move to different areas, just because they don’t have their health to contend with.  I have had a supervisor tell me to write an action plan on how to not get sick as often then.  #1 let me work from home.  Guess who still has to go to that petri dish every day.  If you guessed me, then you’d be like 100% correct.  I like some of the perks, but somehow someway, I feel I need to get out that place before I fall victim to the apathy that is slowly creeping up on me nowadays.  I don’t care as much anymore, I sign my pages and just meh at everybody, I like my coworkers, but I think I need to find that thing that I can be passionate about.  At the very least find something that doesn’t have me dealing with customers on the phone all day.  Who woulda guessed that tech support over the phone could be so stressful.

So how do you make your own destiny?  I have plenty of people I’ve met and known that seem to have cracked the code, but I can’t seem to get all those things working in my favor right now.  It has to do a lot with what I have to contend with in my brain I think.  Im a bit of a perfectionist, I like to know that it will work out in the end.  I like to have a plan, I also like to know I will continue to enjoy it.  My wife has told me plenty of times what I should do based on what she knows about me.  Write, I do like to write and from what I gather from those around me I do seem to have a bit of a flair for it.  I read some of my posts or even some of my past notes and I’ve enjoyed the words that were put there by someone who obviously not me because I can’t turn a phrase like that.  Nor can I even string words together in a coherent manor most days at work, so obviously there is a doppelganger running rampant with my name as their nom d’plume.  Right now, I just have to fight with my lazy brain and just find time to bang out a few words see where it takes me.  That’s going to be the focus of this new blog, I kind of just wrote to write in the past.  Now, I think it’s time to try and just communicate with the world.  Own my own little cafe, I will admit this one really kind of speaks to me.  I love to cook, I love taking fresh ingredients and turning them into something palatable for others to consume.  I really like to hear when people enjoy my cooking, because that’s how my gmas on my mom’s side showed their love, they cooked and made you eat it.  This one is also the scariest, I have no knowledge of how to create a menu, or price my plates based on ingredients or how to get in and order what I need for my place.  It’s just all huge and overwhelming, so this one is definitely on the back burner.  However, I will still continue to chip away at it, because I think it would ultimately make me the happiest out of almost any work path out there.

I think another part of making my own destiny, would just be making sure that my time is my time.  Don’t worry about what ever job I have and don’t let it bleed into my family life.  I mean I can be hyper focused while Im there but once Im out, Im done, finito, I quit until I need to log in the next day.

Any other thoughts for making my own destiny?  Has anybody felt like they did make it?