So I work for the email team here and we have hotkeys, which pull up standar fixes and such without having to do all the typing. Well I wrote one and wondered if they would take it as a submission. Here it is:

Before we attempt to tech this problem we would like to ask you a few questions, they are as follows:

*How many narcotics have you ingested within the last 48 hours?
*Is it possible these narcotics altered your perception in any way that would cause these kinds of errors?
*Do you get decent prices for these narcotics?
*Does the computer make you feel as if you are flying while under the influence?
*What kind of polka-dots does your computer have at this moment?
*Are you sure you've had no narcotics within the last 48 hours?
*Are you postive?
*No I am not as bad as your mother!

With the answers to these questions we should be able to better help you with your problem and finally get you back to reality so you can fix your computer woes.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused and thank you for you patience in this matter.