I sit here thinking, and wondering, what exactly do I want and how will I go about it? And when I do figure these things out will it be the right answer? Will I always be able to trust my own judgement? I've made so many bad calls before, whats to stop this or any future decisions from bein the proverbial bad call? I mean, cripes, all the bad calls, ended up bein on the razor's edge of bein disasterous. One, I broke up with my fiance, and then visited her a couple weeks later, yeah bad idea specially when I met the new bf. I mean granted I came away from that unscathed while he went to the hospital with two broken arms, the fact is he wanted to hurt me. If it weren't for the fact that i'm a clutz and stumbled backwards and watched him tumbled past me to meet the ground down at the bottom of the stairs with his face.

On to the second bad mistake, hook up with an ex gf for the proverbial “last boost”. You know try and build up some padding in the coffers before I finish my move to be a law abiding citizen. Well she chose the wrong car, even I could've chosen a better one on the fly. I think she ultimately wanted to have me get caught, because the alarm goes of on her car just as the starter kill kicks in on mine as I try to cruise down the street. She books it over the fence, I follow to see her hop into a waiting car. Whoa whoa whoa I may be a slow kid but I can see a double cross that blunt. So I've decided I don't like police sirens, especially since it took me almost a half hour to lose the cops on my ass. BITCH!

Third, a life changing experience. Lets just say I listened to someone when they said the dosage would be fine. Well waking up in the ER was just a bad thing, specially since the effects had yet to wear off. Grrrrrr, don't listen to street bums *laugh* actually once again don't deal with ex gfs.

Anyway, for the current decision. All signs point to not a very good idea, but still its the whole allure of the excitement? It sounds like a good idea right now, but where will it end up? Is it worth the risk of the worst case scenerio? WHat the hell was today about anyway(Refer to previous entry)? Oh well I guess they were right when they said it's best to sleep on some things.

For the next 24 hrs all your decision making privilages have been removed

Maybe I need someone to tell me this and make the decision for me. Might make things prettier.

This weekend was a bit on the trippy side. Hrm, how to begin, alright lets start with the fact that I detest my job, hate it with a passion, the main reason I stay….It's the only job I can make that kind of money with minimal contact with grouchy customers. Not only that, the service industry is in a bit of a slump, so I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be making the money I used to make bein a waiter.

Anyway I left work pretty grouchy Sat night, went and got some pizza and calmed down with a couple beers. Went to a party, 1 of 4, *smirk* I didn't make it to the other 3, WHOOPS! Sorry everybody. But I began to cheer up in a major way, and due to my new reslove was enjoying the night. Imagine making what you thought of at one point as being a mistake. But while you are making this so called “mistake”, it doesn't feel like one. Now, imagine that the next day things aren't wierd as you thought they would be, they are actually pretty dayam close to normal. Yet another strike against its title as “mistake”. No imagine one last night, and waking up today the same. This “mistake” is it really a “blessing” in disguise?? Or is it just merely another, shoulda thought it through a lil bit more. Who knows, but it was sure a fun weekend, should do it gaian I think.

Today was really wierd though, I woke up and went for a wquick jaunt on my roller blades. Let me tell you there is nothing funnier than a chubby Indian on wheeled boots, let me tell you. At least that was my perception when I saw myself in the store front windows. (*Word to the wise, do not blade with weak arches* They blow up like freakin ballons. I had to limp home they got so bad.) Anyway, The whole day was like a perpetual motion deja vue machine.

You ever looked at someone or a certain car and thought that you should see more to it or possibly “remember” more to it. Like something is missing when you look at that particular thing. You look at it and its like there are gaps in your memory or even gaps in recollection of even glacning at the objects only moments before. What ever it was it was annoying and I had plenty of those moments on my walk back to my apt. Thinking it was over and I had nothing else to worry about I continued about my day, you know moving things around so my house looked cleaner and what not. When I sat on my porch for a lil while and had the same feeling. The whole deja vue thing, so I was like alright I'll go to my parents, you know safe haven, good place to be in uncertain times. Well as I'm about to make a couple calls me mum calls and asks me to take my lil sis to her lesson. WOW, spooky! I told her I was already on my way. But yeah the feeling of major deja vue, is disappating, but it kinda reminds me of Dark City. If you've seen it you'd understand.

Well I'm outtie and who knows, mayhap the “mistake” was actually a “kick ass idea”. Not only that “mistake” normally comes with differing feelinsg in the morning doesn't it?