So I was sick, talk about suck, I can't believe I was sick. I'm not normally sick, and when I am I seem to be only sick for a day or two if it is a semi-serious illness. Strep throat? No problem leave me be with my sore throat for day and I'm normally good to go the day after with a slight tickle in the back of my throat. But the last two days *BLECK* No happy, anywho I'm better and planning on gettin a lil tipsey this evening, sound good, no?

So I started readin The Paradiso, and this quote was muy kewl:

as I had never felt before. And she

who saw my every thought as well as I,
saw my perplexity:before I asked
my question she had started her reply.

Dante, The Paradiso

This quote makes me think of
Love ya kiddo…

I woke up with these words ringing in my ears. At first I was scared by these words, then as the day progressed I slowly became convinced that something profound was brought to my attention with this dream. But I couldn't rmemeber it, all I could hear was the whispers when I tried to think about it. It was elusive and I couldn't even begin to try and find what was trying to be communicated to me. I can't think of it, all I get is those words echoing in my head. I see fuzzy colors, as if its tryin to pull it together for me, but nothing ever sharpens enough for me to see what is going on. Oh well, maybe someone can give me some help here. Its that statement its seems to be serious and poignant statment. One day I'll figure it out right?

I came in reasonably happy and then I got sad roundish lunch time because informed me that she wasn't doin so well in her classes, and I felt partly repsonsible. And I got to listen to her get dissed by our sup, she can no longer to email, NARF! That sucked! SO I was down during lunch and she somehow cheered me up. So I was hyper freak addict crackwhore, ask she saw the nuttiness and actually survived. But yeah now I totally made and ass of myself, heh, I think its time to head home. YaY! Let the ass go home!

Have you ever just kind of lost it, not necessarily bad lost it, but something more laong the lines of just so inconcevably happy and sickenly pleasant that nobody can really stand you? Well I can stand me at least, I am finally back to where I was while was years ago when I was permanantly heffed up. I almost always seemed to have a smile or something pleasant to say or do. I always had something that seemed to entertain people, it stuck for the most part while I was a waiter, because I could always joke whil in back or walk away form the table. But since I started working here I lost that, and that part of me that seemed like it was always happy and just liked life in general died, or at least hit hybernation mode. But its coming back, or at least it feels like it.

I wake up now and I actually relish the idea of going out and experienceing life again. I can't wait tosee and hear what my mind has in story and may try and get me to see. Thoughts flowing through my mind, like liquid again, no longer sluggish orr depressing. Color is every where once again, and all I can think is:

When will it end

But on to happier things, I am off and ready to cause havoc.

I haven't been able to for a while, nothing seems to make sense, nor does it seem to have any sotr of point. It's all kind of just there and kinda stream of conciousness. Not all there, not all here, just kinda there, never all here. Things always seem a bit hazy, things seem sharp and in focus, all except that one part, that part that would have it all make sense. Now once agian it doesn't make sense. I descend back into that hazy world again, fighting to make sense and find my way. Sometimes it feels as if its not worth going on. Other times there is an overwhelming sense of adventure that seems to pick me up and get me moving. Then the world is once again, exciting and interesting, I can't wiat to go out and try new things. I can't wait to get my three hours of sleep to see what the new day brings. Then the haze comes back, or in my case now its there all the time, it just seems to be less pronounced than before, and the meloncholy seems to strike at odd times. I dunno I'm just wierd.

On a brighter note I was told by that I cannot be a hired killer. I even sweetened the deal by sayin I'd do freebies for her and kill only “bad” guys. Didn't work, though she was receptive to the freebies offer. So, apparantly according to her wonderful logic, I can do as many freebies as I want, but I can't take money for killing. Uhhhhhhh, DER?!? I just wanna be kewl like all the hired killers in the movies. You know super uber spiffy, with all their nifty gadgets and high kill records, I wanna be those guys. Well that and money, thats kewl too. But yeah, I think its time to go off and try and make sense of things.

Ok so now I've gotten to the point at work where I wander around and don't really do my job, I kinda piffle around and hope all my metrics line up. My call times are not because well as mentioned before I am dealing with the lower intelligence run in society. But now that I am able to do email the chance to punk out is even more prodominant. I have worked on that and should keep that aspect, but my break time *cough* bathroom breaks and call times are high. I don't care anymore, but to go anywhere i need these numbers to be inline right? And well the sup has officially let it be known she is watching me like a hawk *gulp* I'm barely making it through my days as it is, how can I possibly hope to bring things down that I've never had down to begin with. I miraculously brought it down to metrics when my yearly eval came alone and I managed to finagle a meager raise out of them, but I can't meet the new call time. They want everything fixed in 9 mins, jeebus! It takes some people that long to even freakin get the email address out. Oh well, work work work, gotta find me high pawing job with a power title where I can slack off to a major degree…Mmmmmm yeah.

Ah well I'm outta here for the day, hopefully my anxiety will drop, and I will come in happy tomorrow, I know I'll be happy when I walk out those doors.

Yeah something to that effect, I often wonder what the world will think of our graffiti in say 200 years. I mean right now we are fighting to preserve our Indian graffiti, thats all it is, granted its pretty nifty and in some places actually serves a purpose, but is graffiti really that spiffy? I'm gonna go out and paint an astrological chart on an arroyo and see what people think in 200 yrs. We shal see we shall see, EEP reboot!

Today was a long day, I woke up and my body refused to respond, so I was a bit late to work. Then I tried to take phone calls, that didn't happen either, however, as the day progressed the joking and such of my team mates actually made me able to handle the calls that were coming in. ALthough some were really bad.

I had people who couldn't pronounce or recognize the following words:

Invalid, Properties, Shortcut

They didn't know how to Right-Click, it would take them 5 minutes to doubl-click on an icon and open the next window, I would watch my hair grow white as I waited for them to type things in. *sigh* Why? Survival of the fittest needs to come back. I mean seriously, we need to have basic comprehension right? Granted one was from SC, another from AK, and a few from other redneck-esque states, but I just mean JEEZ!

So my day has gotten better, I am about to go home and I would like to report:

TOMORROW IS FREAKIN SUNDAY!!!!!

Jeebus I missed her, you need to be back like now , but yeah so I miss you and will until I see you again. Yeah I am once again a SAP and a DORK. You are the only chick to bring that out in me, you know that? I have become one of those people I used to abhore, those sickenling happy couples, you know the ones I'm talking about where everything is cute and you just wanna wretch after spending like 10 mions around them? Yeah so I have become the male part of that couple, I think we need to scedule a labotomy for that part of my brain. Heh, so yeah I updated my website, slightly today, fixed a couple dead links and finally changed it from bein 's bday, gettin ready for Halloween, and OZZY!!!!!

Gonna see OZZY on the 1st, OZZY, OZZY, OZZY, OZZY!!! Yeah bay bee, so Ima go and totally get me some food and pass out, drinking as much as I did last night was appearantly a bad idea, I don't like you any more Kat, you got me drunk of me ass, and I had to deal with the rejects of society today ECK!

Oh yeah I got to do email at work YAY! much needed relif from the whole phones thing, okie I'm outta here, check out my site kiddos

(Got Rave?!?)

Yeah! Check it out boyos

Check this out bay bee, Anthrax hysteria all new high, if you do not have a sense of humor do not click on this link.

(You must have a sense of humor)

Well in the head at least. So luckly it turns out a chick on my team (Gloria) is not my FATHER. Oh yeah! Thank goodness for small miracles, I mean granted it would be quite entertaining. Watching her say….Yeah Rob's my son, and I'm his Father! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hehehehe, and I just made Kaipo laugh….He' leans over and says pretty loudly

“You wanna touch their what?”

I stared at him in mock horror and said….

“I know, I know, I don't know how to spell that”

Poof! Kaipo is on the ground out of his chair laughin his ass off. Yeah I'm a funny guy today. So is it Sun yet? It so needs to be Sun like yesterday. She's been gone for what……8 hours? I miss her already!!!!! *sob*

So yeah I'm a DORK, and a SAP! How much worse can it get? Oh yeah its er….it was mah baby sis bday on Tues!!!! YaY baby sis, so I get to celebrate with her on Sun, you know wreak general havoc and ambush my gf as she comes back into town. So where was I? Oh yeah I'm at work and waiting for calls, some days you can't help but smile and like life.

Its funny believe me!!!!!

(Click here for laughs BAY BEE!)