Okie this whole week has been long and fraught with heartbreak and most of all a lot of stress. I can't even begin to describe or comprehend the shite thats gone on this week. I just want it safely behind me, with notes on how to avoid such a treacherous journey again. I feel like shite, I look like shite and most of all I'm just tired of hurting others, no matter how inadvertant. I haven't slept well this whole week, I've been haunted by sins of the past, as well as glimpses of the furture. It normally seems worth it, other times it doesn't. Maybe its just how I feel right now, maybe I am just exhausted and things just aren't coming clearly anymore. I don't know there was a poitn this week when I wanted to give up, late at night when I was sitting there with nothing but my thoughts. Fortunately, a friend called at that time and talked me out of what seemed like a good idea at the time.

With how I feel right now I have to question whether or not it is worth it, I can't help but feel this and talk about it. Nothing seems to be going my way, and everything seems to be against me. I feel as if I betrayed the one I love and some how destroyed what we had. I don't know if we can even find that place we were once at. Understanding, has led to frustration, I can't seem to understand every aspect of what they feel or how they want me to act. Each time I tried it didn't seem like it was even seem to help or effect the situation. I'm tired of apologizing, I'm tired of hurting you, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, so exhausted, maybe I just need a nap.

*sigh*