I had to mark this occasion…

(Click here to see it for yourself)

Inga4ever: did u like my lj?
GlubGlub56: Im still trying to read it…
Inga4ever: lol o
GlubGlub56: stupid people on my phone are distracting me
Inga4ever: tell them to fix it their own damn self and hang up
GlubGlub56: rofl
GlubGlub56: just so I can read yer journal huh?!?
Inga4ever: ummhmm
Inga4ever: you want to get fired neway
GlubGlub56: oh yeah thats right I forgot all about that
GlubGlub56:
Inga4ever: heheh
GlubGlub56: hehehe
GlubGlub56: Im speaking to Gina DAVIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inga4ever: tell her i said hi lol
GlubGlub56: hehehe
GlubGlub56: I will as I smack her
Inga4ever: lol ::reinactment:: “hey bitch, ::smack:: , ingrid say's hi”
GlubGlub56: YEAH BAY BEE
GlubGlub56: thats so the way it needs ot be
Inga4ever: lol

Ok a little back ground before you read this. I scored 83% on the Spark's Bastard test, and the first email is based on the old statement of
“What they don't know can't hurt them”. I've stripped as much as I can to protect the innocent, B is my co-worker, R is me.

From: B
To : R
Subject: RE: Wow, if this won't start WWIII nothing will

what she doesn't know…right?

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

yepyep, though there are time I wonder about that statement….what I don't know won't kill me….
Then I think about Heather, she would gladly remove my spine if I didn't know how to react correctly

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

very true

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

and that would result in death wouldn't it?

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

yes it would

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

yeah that would be a real bummer, although I could once and for all prove that annoying statment wrong

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

but you would be dead, so whats the point?

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

It'd still be WRONG! I would just need you to be aware so you could bring up the proof

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

Well, I could do that for you. Still be dead, but you'd be right.

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

as long as I was right it wouldn't matter if I was dead

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

Wow, that is a bastard attitude

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

I work hard for my title

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

and you'd die for it

—–Original Message—–
From: R
To: B

I am prepared to be a martyr for my belief in the bastard structure

—–Original Message—–
From: B
To: R

Cool, should I let know? heheh

Right?!? Right?!?
I mean seriously, I sit here and think, nothing coherent, just kind of ramblings running around in my head. I can't make sense of it, nor do I want too. Im just tired and ready for bed, but Im at lunch staring at my monitor hoping 5PM gets here soon, reeeeeeeeeeal soon. Save me!

Well Im nearing the end of my rope, and am just about to choke at the end of it…if I am sick one last time I lose this lame ass job that I hate. the only reason I would hate to lose it is because I don't have a new one lined up, other than that it could be a godsend. I dunno anymore I want to leave so bad, but no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to find a job that I would be comrfotable enough to replace this source of income with. Am I a wuss who can't fathom not having a job?!? Actually no, I've done ti plenty of times before, but I think the reason Im so worried right now is because of my engagement to my gf. It was rather spur of the moment, in the fact that I wasn't planning on it happening at that particular time or moment, but its not anything I wouldn't have done in the future. SO I spose having a job would help greatly in the whole making money for furture plans and such. Anywho, I just need to keep this lame ass job long enough to find a new one that I can really appreciate and work hard at, not just pick me arse up and try and get it back into gear…thats been a bitch, but I spose I can keep it goin for now, I should keep this job part time so I can keep the dial up account in case I ever recieve a computer *laugh* Of to pretend I like fixing computers again.

I don't know really what to say besides, Im lost have been for a while and am just now waking up to a reality which does not play nice with the lost lil kidd. The reality I am becoming aware of is a reality in which I question myself and my motives for what I do and want. I question everything that comes into my life the good and the bad. I get irritated easily especially by those I call my friends, because for some strange irrational reason my mind thinks they should know the rules that I am playing by and what I expect their reactions to be to me. Its a world where I sit and contemplate life and the world for far too long. Were the contemplation or simple questions become big problems or big concerns for me. This reality is not kind to someone like me, someone who is used to coasting through life and letting everything resolve itself. I now realize that I need to do things and make things happen.

I have been attempting to do just that lately, but not even that works anymore or is really a guarentee that I will get what I want. I dreamt last night:

The dream was the same really, just experiencing things and seeing the world in an altered form. This time I could make out distinct voices and words in the whispers that normally accompany me in my quests into my subconcious. The voices were my doubts and my fears given voice. I normally ignore them so they are nothing but whispers at the edge of my conciousness as I explore my dreamscapes. Something is giving them more power, something is providing them with a more real feeling. They can now affect my dreams and change events when I listen to them. Last night my dream began with me and my gf sitting in a couch in some obscure house. We got up and headed to the movies when we ran into a bunch of our friends and we went to the movies together. No biggie had a good time and such, but they began to grate on my nerves. They kept insisting I go somewhere with them when it was clear I didn't want to go, I just wanted to go home. But the guilt trips began, and I began to really become irked until finally I left the clearing which we had hiked too. The nice part was this was a clearing I've seen and been to in a previous dream. The trail was as I remember it as well. But I moved on and started to make my way to the town we were near, for some reason it was some backwater town where segregation and racial hatred was common place. There was this family driving by as I opened my car door and they were accosted by some “Good Ole” boys. He immediately punched the gas and I thought it would be smart for me to do the same.

They started shooting, and killed the son and wife, the man jumped out and looked at me. I won't forget the lok, that of pure terror and one of unbelief. He ran and I followed, again we ran down a familiar ally and hoped a fence, one I've hoped many times beforein my dreams. How ever when I ran across the yard and tried to jump from a dirt pile that is always there, a voice became clear and question whether or not I could make it. My jump fell short and I felt my breath explode from my lungs as I hit the edge of the roof I was trying to scale. I hung there for a moment until I felt a bullet slice through my calf. Then another voice emerged from my normal whispers and screamed “PASS OUT!” I did.

When I awake it was day, I immediately attempted to stopthe blood flow and started to make my way towards the nearest way out of this town. The voices where there as always, but rather than the soft insistant whispers, they were grumblings and mutterings of discontent. I finally made it to a recognizable street when I saw some of the “Good Ole” boys, in a truck down the road. I immediately turned to sprint in the opposite direction. As I turned I saw a girl with the greenest eyes I have ever seen, she smiled and turned to follow me. I ran into the nearest building hoping to find sanctuary, sadly it was not, two of the guys came in followed by the girl. We could sign up for computer time at some terminals, which I did hoping they would leave before I did, all three followed suit, except the girl and I did not sit down at the terminals. The guys did and were stuck within an enclosure which would not allow them out til their time was up. The girl took my had and led me out of the building, we ran to my car and started to open the doors to get in, when the last antagonist saw me. He gunned the truck and I threw the keys to her as I tried to sprint across the street. I hear the squealing of tires and acceleration of the truck as I jumped straight up. I fell againand felt the blow on my chest, yet it wasn't as long a fall as I thought. I opened my eyes and found my self on the hood. So I did the natural thing and climbed into the cab throuh the window. The driver and I immediately started to grapple, I didn't like it because a voice kept nagging that I couldn't win. The fighting felt like a stalemate I couldn't do a thing about it, he pulled a knife and had slashed my hand, when I woke up. I stared at the ceiling for a moment and then I rolle dover to hug my gf. I shook my hand and felt the pin pricks indicating my hand was asleep the same hand which had been injured.

I dreamed, and in my dream the voices had the ability to change events. I don't like it, when I dream next I will be in control. I will be. What I really want though is happiness and some sort of semblence of intelligence with those people I talk too at work. Time to cruise across the city to my house and take a 15 imn nap. I will dream tonight

I just don't know anymore…I feel lost, floating in a sea of indecision and hatred. I mean I am happy and can stay happy, but always in the back ground or surrounding me is this virtual sea of negativity. I am able to ignore it most of the time, however, lately I've had people pissin me off. I've really begun to detest the people who call the tech support line. I can't seem to do anything right, I mean I keep screwin up, I get my write up and I just blah screw me self up tha goat ass. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to make the things happen that I want, however, when I take the lazy way I seem to find and get what I want pretty easily. I really regret goin legit now. I am poor, I am uneducated, and most of all I am bitter. The only good thing I have is my fam.

But then there is the me which seems to be on the surface more and more, the happy to be around, the glad to be flippin alive. I dunno, Im just confused lost and ready to go home. One of these days I'll make sense, one of these days I'll have a happy post. ;P

Man this is flippin hilarious, read it kiddies, I can hear the calls rolling in it any parents ever read this piece, silly over protective parents.

(This is Freakin Hilarious!!!)

This guy has lotsa love for Linux, and I thought I found it kewl:

Yeah this is kinda fun

Linux linux linux, well its fun

So last night I had a wierd drive home. First off, lemme tell ya I am a Saturn driver. I drive one of the most gutless cars you can ever imagine cruising along in. So I pull up to a stop light and sit there jammin down to Def Tones, and I see the Intrepid and Mustang to the left and right of me inching forward, well the light turns green and me in my excited state hit tha gas. I left them back at the line, whoot whoot, but then they caught up cuz well they have more powerful cars, Intrepid blows by like Im standing still and the stang prepared to do the same when it seemed to lose power as I shifted from 2nd to 3rd, and I once again passed the mustang, then he blew by me to get stuck at the next red light, where the Intrepid waited, this time both cars were reving their engines and just itching to get goin again. Im still jammin so when it hits green Im gone and smoek em both, whoot whoot!!! Same situation, Intrepid blows by and Mustang makes its impotent attempt to blow by me again, he finally hits something right in fourth and blows by me, but I think it was funny. I mean he really had something to prove with the Saturn beating him *grin* Penis Envy to the max…..

Later, I was posed with an interest question, that of having a child. I dunno if she would want me to post this, but its on my mind. I mean yes I think Im ready to be a daddy, you konw the heart thing, but the head says make sure you have future plans with said person. Oh, well it was an interesting convo, and just very surreal in the fact that I didn't expect to be having this convo so soon. But at the same time its kind of expected, I dunno, right now I think we should just wait an see, if it happens it happens, sometimes you just gotta let fate decide right?!?

Ok so Im bored and tired of whiny people I propose a fix and they whine about it cuz they are paying for something else…DER?!? You pay for connectivity, we simply supply software for convenience, if it doesn't work and we suggest using a real piece of software, there is normally a good reason. It is more stable sir, BLAH, so he gets all bent cuz he doesn't like my answers and Im not bending over backwards for him. Yeah who ever the fuck came up with “The Customer is always right” should be shot, hung, drawn, and quartered. They weren't counting on the thieving bastards and cheap ass dumb asses that exist in todays world. Bah, that just irked me to no end I need to cheer up again. Time to blow things up in Tank Killer!!!!! Outtie solid outtie

So I got my next step in my write ups for attendance…Whoops! Normally I'm a hardworker and try to get all done within the guidelines set forth, but I have been bent over so many times by this company, when I saw loopholes I took em. Unfortunately, I recieved a new supervisor who cares about such things as attendence and how I do my job. Fortunately, he's got a good heart so I'm only on my second offense rather than my final written warning, you know one more offense and separation , not good right about now. Oh, well Ima work a tad harder to meet the things they want me to fix, right, right, or who knows, but I'll try.

I sit here and think about how happy I felt while not in a relationship, I mean I hit lonley times from time to time, but I never felt like I had to worry about anybody else's feelings. Once I got my new gf I realized I had to take her feelinsg into account, and think about my actions or reactions to things. They effect people in new and different ways in how they effect me. As I've told a lot of friends, I have a past Im not proud of and I also have problems with actually listening to my gfs or really even caring about em. Until now, and as I explored this new relationship with this whole communication thing, it seemed to take more effort than I was willing to put forth. Especially when it seemed like things or requests were, in my opinion a bit unreasonable. Now I listen a bit more and I seem to react a lil less quickly and rashly. This really seems to make the relationship blossom and seem very much worth it. I dunno, this is new and interesting and Im ready to figure more things out in the world. All I know is when I keep talking about finding things out and trying to experience the world I think this is a really big part.

Oooooookay random babbles and pointless thought strings, I seem to have a lot of those lately. Especially when dreams are concerned or my trying to make an important point with people Im talking too, I make less sense the more I explain. Or their face gets more of that what ever dood look. Who knows, all I really know right now is I'm happy and nothing seems to make sense anymore. *le sigh* My head hurts, but I get to go home now YAY!!!!!

I have not noticed:

How you make me happy
How you seem to always have a happy thought
How you make me feel like I mean something to someone other than myself
How when you smile I can't help but smile
How when you tell me you love me I feel like I can't do anything wrong
How your humor most of the time amuses me
How your hand feels when you touch me
How I could get lost in your eyes forever
How I just never thought I could feel like this again
How I don't mind work when I wake up next to you
I didn't notice and I probably won't, so this is my thanx to you for being you.

Yeah kinda like me, just ramble, and somehow I tend tomake sense. though it seems when I try to make sense or make a point, people don't understand me anymore. Whot's up with that?!? I've been getting irked by that really. I tire easily of explaining myself a lot now, and I think it irks my weary gf…I sowwy baby. Anywho today was odd and now I'm better, though who knows how long I can keep pulling the wool over my supervisors eyes and keep this painful job. I need escape, I will find it, YOu watch!!!

This quote from 's journal totally reminds me of , right baby? Read it and see that is embodies you, hehehehe.

its hard for a woman to express her yearning for a good romp in the sack without being thought of by some as a Jezebel or whore. Bah! I have a perfectly healthy sex drive… that needs a little attention is all…

I submit the following convo with a fellow tech for your amusement:

daniyel95: win98>
daniyel95: our mom.dll has create an Invalid Bed Sheet in my room.sys
GlubGlub56: ROFL
GlubGlub56: Win RL
GlubGlub56: 3 phone lines
GlubGlub56: gf.dll is linked to missing export rob.vxd
GlubGlub56: sys file rob.vxd is being used by other program hotchica.exe
GlubGlub56: I should write error messages for programs….
daniyel95: yes…PIMPED out errors
GlubGlub56: PIMP.INI linked to missing export pimphat.dll
daniyel95: word
GlubGlub56: yo yo
GlubGlub56: all yo gotta do is download pimphat.dll and put it in yer C:\WINDOWS\PIMP directory

Indeed I am a geek….