I have been broken, and will always be broken, as the conventional world sees me.

I have no wish to be fixed
I have no wish to be normalized

I am me and thats all I will be
Nothing more than me

You want to fix me?!?
You want to make me normal?!?

Ok, fix me
Make me normal

What do you mean you can't?
What do you mean I'll never be normal?

Oh alright just one more shot
Just one more pill…..

I often wonder why the world wanted to change me when I was younger. I never really thought about it, when I look back at what was kept from my childhood, I was quit gifted. Not to be a braggart or anything, but I need to just kind of say that before I continue with this entry. I did quite interesting things for bein such a young child, I was pretty good with my drawing and sketching, I was really good at research and learning when there were topics of interest. I was also very good at learning the facts that my teachers wanted regurgitated back to them. I heard words like genius and gifted thrown from teacher to teacher and teacher to parent. I had such promise, I had such a bright future. As I grew older though, I began to see the world a bit differently, it became bleak and pointless. This culminated into an attempt to get away from it all. It was foiled as you may see in a previous entry. Now I am alive, and wondering what I did with all that promise, with the bright future I once had. I talk to my gf now and it feels as if, Im now dumb, I don't have all the answers like I used too, I don't have the interesting thoughts or colors flowing through my head that I once did. texture is really beginning to grate on me, if it doesn't seem to feel good I want nothing to do with it.

Im beginning to lose hope and faith, I can't even find a low paying lame ass job in this bunk ass town. I've heard no so many times it makes me want to retch, I've heard them say that I am talented and motivated but Im not right for their company/position/what ever they can think up right then. I am beginning to doubt myself, and all that I thought of myself. My confidence is waning, as is my belief in everything happening for a reason. I need money and need it now.