I feel so terribly alone, I always have and probably always will. Why is that?!? Am I doomed to feel utterly alone no matter how loving an atmosphere I may be in?!? I just don't know anymore, I feel as if I might hold this hollow heart for the rest of my life. For a while now I've felt as if I might be able to kick it and lose that particular feeling. Still, the world seems to cry out to me telling me that I must be alone, no matter how much love I might find from someone. I love yet I still feel as if I am utterly alone, I don't know maybe I am too self involved and can't seem to find that balance needed to kep things happy in the world. Or am I supposed to fuck this relationship up as I seem to fuck em all up. Tonight has givin me plenty of time to think about it and wonder what it is that keeps me going in this world. I often wonder how I keep goin and why I keep goin, I don't know maybe I am destined to stay alone in the world. Are you?!?

So Im still gettin used to this LJ client that has installed on the comp, I mean it rules and all cuz it makes my entries easy and all. But it seems to be lacking something that my entires on the web seemed to have, I dunno I think itmight be the fact that I can post really fast like. I mean I've had three posts within the last half hour, yipe!!!! I normally wouldn't be like that, ah well what can ya do right?!? Just live with the drunk ass Rob and try to figure out whether or not he will make it to work tomorrow. I think I will and make it, yet I dunno if I will really wanna make it through the day tomorrow. I just want this weekendto be over cuz I don't like working Sundays, but I know I will have too this St. Patty's day, BLAH!!!! No wanna work, ah well enough drunken ramblings, latah..

As if you couldn't tell by my last post I am quite the inebriated person right now, and that is why I am still awake, hrm… Wher is I figure she would be home by now since the Pulse closes at 2AM, but I guess it could be said I learned my lesson the last time she said she would be home and got home round 2:30 esque. Each has their own version of being home on time I suppose, ah well, I suppose I will go to bed once this download is done. Anmybody wqanna sing me a lullaby?!?

I am sorry Imissed the Pulse because I always enjoy my time there, yet tonight seemed like a good night to just chill at home and just have a good evening. I mean I was all set at 9PM ready to go as was my security blanket yet 's friends seemed to be a bit behind the ball. No biggie I was still set to go, yet when they finally showed up at like 10:15 or 10:30, I was beggining to have my doubts. I'm supposed to be working a double tomorrow and be up by like 9AM. Alright this is hardly the time to say I told you so to me, but I got to finally chill with and she's a kewl chica. So we left at like 11PM to go buy beer cuz I figured it'd be the best way for me to get to bed at a reasonable time, yet when and I got back to me casa tehy were gone, and once I started to drink I decided the best way to spend this evening was getting wasted whi8le I got to know my internet bud.

I am sure > will be a bit irrate that I didn't go, and yet stayed up as long as I would normally stay up if I had gone to the Pulse, yet, I think she will understand that the mood was totally lost on me y the time that her firneds had shown up. I mean they are al kewl peeps, but by then I was so exhausted from tryin to entertain myself and that I was ready to cry. But here I am awake at the same time that I would have been had I gone with to the Pulse. Im sorry bay bee, Im sorry that I didn't go, but I lost all my fire and will by the time yer friends show up. Granted they rea really our friends, I was still just not in the mood once they showed up. I hope you can forgive me. Ah well there is tomorrow, I will get off work as fast as humanly possible and get me arse home, cuz its time for a party party party!!!!! Welp gotta run time to pass out once I finish this song I've been tryin to download. Nite all!