I've posted like 3 timesin the last hour….that's gotta be some sort of record for me!
(ed. whoops that wasn't angry it was amused Tee Hee!)

it was the 101 things you probably didn't know about me?!?! Well I figured I need to jump on another bandwagon and post this Im sure it'll fizzle at 25 but here it goes:

1. I was born dead (Dang umbilical cord)
2, I was a child prodigy (But now Im normal….wussup with that?)
3. I see the world through colors in my head
4. This explains the fact that I have a bemused look on my face most of the time
5. I have serious texture issues with food items
6. This makes me a very picky eater
7. This engagement makes my second one
8.. Im a retired bad boy
9. This includes fights, stealing and other asorted illicit activities
10. knows just about everything there is to know about me
11. I have been accused of date rape by a jealous ex gf
12. I walked away from a scholorship (stupid I know but it seemed right)
13. If it weren't for that I wouldn't know half the people I do now
14. I actually like my job being a server right now
15. I am also a retired playa (scoff if you will, but I did have my moments)
16. My managers at work love me
17. My co-workers as well (This is just speculation, but it seems true)
18. I was just told I am the best server in town
19. They told me four times through asssorted notes (Hey I gotta get 101 things gimmie a break)
20. I play the trombone
21. This is whot I was offered the scholarship for
22. is rubbing off on me…I now yell at the TV when the newscast is stupid
23. I talk about surfing porn in public places just to make her blush
24. She's knows I don't
25. I don't like porn or tittie bars too much
26. I've never taken advantage of a drunk girl
27. Im a mongrol (Half Indian- Half white)
28. I lfigure its the Indians fault, you know being on our land before we got here
29. Punishment for me when I was younger was being sent to the “reservation” for the summer
30. I never got sent to the reservation for punishment
31. I like to laugh
32. I've been told I have a good laugh
33. Im a sarcastic mofo
34. I don't own a Bug's Life (It's one of my fav movies…ACK!)
35. I have a cartoon fetish
36. I will admit to watching Pokemon
37. I watch for Team Rocket
38. and Charrizard
39. Oh yeah and Psyduck
40. I probably look like a Pokemon freaq
41. Im not
42. I plan on seeing Spiderman on opening day
43. But not Star wars (how's that for jacked…Jar Jar killed it for me)
44. I have day dreams of being an action movie star
45. I also have day dreams of finishing one of my stories for once
46. I looooove to write
47. Almost as much as I love to read
48. I want a room totally devoted to books
49. I can wire car stereo systemssemi-competantly
50. I learned this skill because I used to boost em
51. I attended my first “rave” when I was 14
52. I had m y first drug when I was 14
53. It wasn't ganja
54. I had my first sexual experience when I was 14
55. She was older!
56. I was molested when I was a child
57. Nobody in the family thankfully
58. My lil bro is my best friend
59. I tried to kill him when we were teenagers
60. Im sorry about that
61. I've just realized Im not that interesting
62. Im gonna marry
63. Im gonna be a daddi
64. I make friends quick and am there for em but I can't keep em
65. Most people's first thought about me is that Im funny
66. LOOKIN
67. That was a joke
68. People say Im a freaq, nut, dork, etc
69. I have come to grips with my inner nerd
70. I started smoeking to quit worse habits
71. Coke and Horse
72. My brother, father, and I sound exactly alike on the phone
73. I get along with women better than men
74. I have a latent talent of turning almost any comment into a sexual innuendo
75. I never thought I would make it this far
76. I have a good nose for battle tactics (Another latent ability)
77. I am a photobug
78. I often wish I could draw better
79. My creativity flows best when Im delerious
80. Peaople are amazed I've turned out as good as I have with my past
81. I can thank my parents for that
82. I didn't drink alchohol til I was 18
83. I didn't smoek out til I was 18
84. I have a real real real real good friend who I wouldn't trade for tha world
85. I like to cuddle
86. Even after sex
87. The only childhood momento I have is my great grandfather's lighter
88. I am very close to my family
90. My grandmother is….eccentric (read…a lot of people find her annoying)
91. I delight in pushing people to thier limits of feeling comfortable
92. I've found something to interest me….theoretical physics
93. I don't understand it all but it interests me
94. I kind of want to start playin tha Tbone again
95. Im lost in life and I dont know what I really want to do with it
96. The only thing Im sure of is finding happiness
97. I tried to kill myself once
98. I had three psychiatrists who left their profession because of me
99. I have people still calling me for favors
100. I can still help them
101. Im still a boring guy

Heh, so that's it, there ya go

I am in love, I have been in love for a while, and now with the fact that I am going to be a father it fills me with great joy and happiness. I have those moments of how will I be able to support the three of us, but thos are quickly dispelled by the words of we will make it all work out. Now with walking around the apt doing her “I get Manicotti” dance I can't help but smile and remember the good times of yore and those to come. I am happy, more happy than ever before…this I can say with much relish, because it is true. I find myself smiling often because of the joy we have together, I was grumpy yesterday for a short while but I am soo happy I work with and have great customers who helped me see my grumpiness will pass and were over things that we can control (AKA car troubles) . All I can say is I have a great life right now, and plan on being happy for a long time to come.

Have come to me as of late, they would probably not be bad dreams for the normal person, but Im used to being able to wield a bit of control with my dreams. Last night was totally out of my control. I sat in a park the sun was shining and I was just enjoying the day. I watched the children play and knowing life was good. Clouds rolled in and began to threaten a bit of a thunder storm, normally one would run to cover or home, but I didn't….I couldn't. I tried and tried but something kept saying I can't and won't. Finally the clouds erupted and began the downpour, the only thoughts in my head were…I can die now….I will die in peace now. I knew I didn't want to die I felt that I would not like it if I did. So with resignation I finally got myself to get up and head home. I walked in the door and noticed the lack of activity in the place. I walked to the fridge and grabbed water to calm my nerves and made my way to the bedroom. I walked in and found something I wish I never had….my fiancee with some guy and my baby in her crib oblivious to whot was going on. I reeled and couldn't find any way to function and just collapsed in the hallway. Breathing became hard, just living became heard at that moment. It finally passed and I walked back in to grab my daughter and leave when I heard her voice tell me I her ex was better in bed and blah blah blah…..I ran, I ran with my daughter hard and fast and decided to try and put some of my will into my dream. I stopped and calmed my daughter , then closed my eyes and willed myself somewhere else, this is a good way to escape in my dreams. I made it somewhere new, but it was the anti-thesis of whot I consider good and fun, the world was bleak and dark. Buildings seemed to menace me and my bundle of “joy” …I tried to get somewhere safe and happy, but I couldn't find it and finally as she fussed I unwrapped her to try and calm her, when I found myself with a plastic “headless” baby doll. I dropped to my knees and wept, when I woke up.

Dreams are dreams and always will be, but this one disturbed me greatly, the only thing that made it half way ok was the fact that said bye and that she loved me before she left for school. I laid there for a great while trying to calm my heart and mind. Its not real, but whot does it mean?!?!

This know and believe, yet why do I feel so lost and alone?!?

I ROCK and I have proof
CLICK HERE
For my proof and a big shout out to my new buds
and

Right, now I just have to keep repeating that for a couple days. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Why do I feel so lost lately? Why does it seem like I can't do anything but screw things up?!? Why am I such a punk ass loser?!? Oh well I spose I should go to work and wait for questions to be answered later…

Well his weekend was kewl cuz it was my bday, it was good took me on a pinic in the mountains and it was kewl kewl to get away.. Then we came home and tried to clean for the festivities. Needless to say Im not getting that drunk for a very long time. After that evening I've had time to think about and re-evaluate how I handle the world at large. I mean there is a lot of stuff under my skin right now and I normally talk about it but this has been there until I finally let it all go Sat night. Baaaaaas day, lemme tell ya Im a right punk when I get that drunk and I have beef with tha world. I always forget that Im not always the fun lovin kidd of yore. The only things I can say for sure are these things:

1) Sorry and at the same time thank you for taking care of me as I saw the inside of my stomach, it'll be yer turn soon! ;P
2) No matter how much you drink the hang overs are always worse the day after.
3) Rugby players aren't bad blokes, they just have a sucky team *pthb*
4) Never spend more than $20 on your own bday (cuz as I looked at my depleted funds today I started to wonder if I would need to sell blood to make bills.)
5) Only drnink at work if you plan on hearing all the stories of what an ass you were (This didn't happen to me but it happened to a co-worker, I learned my lesson vicariously)
6) I love that woman of mine she's like tha bestest
7) It was kewl of to drop by just to say happy bday to me
8) It was great to see
9) I finally got to see my best friend, hopefully we'll hang out a lil more often
10) I think is tryin to avoid me *smirk*
11) Last of all appletini's taste as good comin up as they do goin down

Yes a wise weekend lemme tell ya, the most important thing was the fact that my family cares for me as does mah bay bee. I think I like that feelin of belonging to people. Kinda funny since I've gone through life being a loner, I never needed people before and never cared if they were there or not. But now I crave that feeling of belonging, I want to know that people actually care or might miss me. Ah well what can ya do right?!?

Alright so my last post sounded assish and lame, yes I will leave it up because I believe that what ever you say is what you want to say and not just a “joke” as so many people try and play it off. is never the most forth coming about what is angering her and that helps with me with my irkedness, but we finally talked and I just had to post now as I posted the update to my website. Alright so we talked and this is what I got out of her for her anger:

A) I always stay at work late (alright since I can't really remember a time I haven't Im inclinded to agree)
B) It makes her feel lower down on the ladder when I stay at work and drink (I see that point as well I mean id she did the same Im sure Id have feelings of not lovedess)
C) When you say yer gonna do somethin…DO IT! (Yeah I seem to have a big prob with that wne it comes to just leaving work and coming straight home, again Im sorry bay bee)

This was my lame asss defense, it may suck but its my defense:

A) People at work are the only real people that I really interact with IRL I mean hell I really only have on friend that I would hang out with on a normal basis.
B) I tend to get sucked into “interesting” convos easily, this points more towards the first oint but its a fact if you interest me I will talk and tend to lose time, it's how got to know each other so much way back when.
C) These are my only “friends” in my life besides my bay bee and her friends.
D) I normally eat something when I finish work and beer goes along nicely with a burger or somethin, people just keep buying me more beer and liquor.
E) I never realized I was this bad or it effected you this badly

Like I said lame answers and responses but they are what I thought of and why I seem to gravitate towards stayin after work to drink and eat. So in typical Rob fashion I came up with possible fixes, they are as follows:

A) I should have everybody fired from my job and get a new boring inane crew to work with ( This is a hugely humorous idea to me I put it first cuz it brought the biggest smile to my face, while not only being absurd, it would be kewl because it would give me this enormous sense of power, though it would suck to fire all my budds….so I spose its not really a good answer, just a good chuckle)
B) Drink a beer and a cranberry juice and thats it with my meal (This is a good one because with less beer the less likely I am to stay rooted in one place, AKA my work)
C) Kiss a lotta ass with mah bay bee (Good idea random roses, toys and whot not I think that shoud suffice)
D) Just come home when I say I will (Probably the best of all my fixes)
E) Just communicate more (Yeah yer right a simple call home would help lesson the tension a lot, sorry bout that I don't think a lot apparantly)

Sooooooooooooooooooo, that is that and I think I'll work on all those fixes, even my absurd lame ass fire all my friends fix….hey it could happen!