Have come to me as of late, they would probably not be bad dreams for the normal person, but Im used to being able to wield a bit of control with my dreams. Last night was totally out of my control. I sat in a park the sun was shining and I was just enjoying the day. I watched the children play and knowing life was good. Clouds rolled in and began to threaten a bit of a thunder storm, normally one would run to cover or home, but I didn't….I couldn't. I tried and tried but something kept saying I can't and won't. Finally the clouds erupted and began the downpour, the only thoughts in my head were…I can die now….I will die in peace now. I knew I didn't want to die I felt that I would not like it if I did. So with resignation I finally got myself to get up and head home. I walked in the door and noticed the lack of activity in the place. I walked to the fridge and grabbed water to calm my nerves and made my way to the bedroom. I walked in and found something I wish I never had….my fiancee with some guy and my baby in her crib oblivious to whot was going on. I reeled and couldn't find any way to function and just collapsed in the hallway. Breathing became hard, just living became heard at that moment. It finally passed and I walked back in to grab my daughter and leave when I heard her voice tell me I her ex was better in bed and blah blah blah…..I ran, I ran with my daughter hard and fast and decided to try and put some of my will into my dream. I stopped and calmed my daughter , then closed my eyes and willed myself somewhere else, this is a good way to escape in my dreams. I made it somewhere new, but it was the anti-thesis of whot I consider good and fun, the world was bleak and dark. Buildings seemed to menace me and my bundle of “joy” …I tried to get somewhere safe and happy, but I couldn't find it and finally as she fussed I unwrapped her to try and calm her, when I found myself with a plastic “headless” baby doll. I dropped to my knees and wept, when I woke up.

Dreams are dreams and always will be, but this one disturbed me greatly, the only thing that made it half way ok was the fact that said bye and that she loved me before she left for school. I laid there for a great while trying to calm my heart and mind. Its not real, but whot does it mean?!?!