Yep, sho nuff, there is a new life in the world. She was born last night 6:52PM, lil Riley, she's out and about, had a few complications, but she is recovering…I am just loggin on to say this and say see ya'll, if you guys in town wanna see her, just give a call she knows all tha deets of when and where. Latahs all
Tired and lame I know but I figured it looked kewl
Many thanx to for the idea on the banner…the only difference I can really think of is he probably hardcoded the colors, while I left them open for possible use by others…who knows lemme know what you thinks
I just sat there staring as I couldn't sleep. I stared at my reflection and tried to get myself to fall asleep. It wasn't working, but as I stared at that drained, haggard, chubby visage I thought about a few things. What has really made me what I am today. I have a lot of great stories for friends when we are drinking and bragging, yet they seem sort of hollow when I think about telling them to my daughter. I've done and seen a lot of things as well as felt a few things that have helped me see the world in a different life. I don't think anything that has happened to me has destroyed my world view in anyway. Each new experience has helped open my eyes to a new point of view and a new aspect of beauty. I sound like some sort of wacked out earth mother thats been drinking too much when I talk like this, but it is rare when I talk about what I think about and try to communicate how I see the world.
I don't normally try because when I experience the world I experience it a lot differently than most people. When it comes to food its texture foremost and taste after that. When it comes to people I associate a color with them and come to recognize them because of a flash of color in my mind. Music is expereinced by closing my eyes and watching colors dance. Love, love that has been the coolest one to get to know lately. Love is like a warm hug and spatterings of light and lots of goose bumps. As I said kind of hard to communicate but thats the closest I can get to it. It does result in happiness and contentment but those are kind of secondary and just repercussions rather than the experience itself.
I kept staring and just tried to get to know myself. Some people believe that the eye is the window to the soul and if you sit somewhere and focus on another persons eye you can get to know them without saying a single word. That would be very very boss, and I think its why I don't look people in the eye a lot. When I do, you know you have my complete trust, or at least I know that you have my complete trust. Hrm….I am wierd….I need to sleep…..
Im finally tired at the right time. I've been having troubles with my sleeping patterns lately and lots of trouble keeping my cool. I've become irritable and very moody. I hit my breaking point of being the great bf and future husband when hit the hospital with her pre-term labor. I think it just hit me hard that I am going to have to get out there and make sure my family has enough to survivie on as well as work me arse off in school to make sure my family has a good future. I spazzed and well there were a couple bad days here, which I hope to never repeat, just because I don't like being mad and I don't like being mad at her. Breaking point was the fact that I was and felt sick when we were supposed to go to our birthing class. I just tried and tried to get moving but I couldn't I felt that bad, she thought I was just being lazy and not wanting to go, I did. Oh well, all is in the past, both of us were stressed and frazzled and we both realized this when we finally talked this week. So I've decided that talkin is good and not as bad or burdensome to the recipient as I once thought. I am almost normal, well normal for me right now, the only thing I can think of at this moment is mayhap that Im well kinda off. I mean I did get sick and came down and still feel like Im a bit ill, but it wasn't so much an illness as a change of who I am. I just felt hollow and lost. AGAIN. gds, I hate it when that feeling comes over me, I mean I really have no reason for it right now and hope to not have any reason in the future.
I say this because I stopped and thought about it today as I was talking to my co-workers. She is a perfect match for me, she gets my jokes, she laughs at my lil idiosyncracies, as well as infinite patience for my ever present stupidity. Its kinda funny I never noticed women flirting with me unless I was actively persuing them until mah gurlie pointed them out in the beggining in our relationship. Well now I see it all the time, so back to the whole point of this, she is great for me and seems to know when I need a hug or when I just need a smack on tha ass. I just wanted to put down in writing that I do think she is beautiful and the greatest gf ever. I would say fiance but you know I don't have much of anything to base that judgement on and Im sure she'll be tha bestest wife. Yeah so that was the sappy moment, this mix apparently makes me kinda sappy.
All I can really worry about is school and the baby now. I just want to show this lil one that there is beauty in the world and not everybody or everything is out to get you. That seems to be the running theme in most religions and WARNINGS. I just don't get it, I've always been the one who believes in the goodness of humanity and because of it have been taken every once in a while. That just makes me hope that there is someone in the world who will prove me wrong. Slim chance at best but a chance none the less. Blah, my mind is just one wandering flabby piece of meat. I think I'll g o to bed and try this tomorrow.
And it doesn't like me so I think we are at a happy eye to eye sort of deal….or was it eye for an eye? What ever the reason I just had to post because I haven't posted for a while and in that while a lot has happened. Where to begin, hrm, well lemme think…oh yeah
For starters Im still doing alright in school, not as good as hoped I only have an A in one class and the other two are B's, hopefully if I work my ass off I can get a low A seeing as they are high B's , but that remains to be seen. I was angry at the whole Brewster's ordeal but lacked the time to do anything about it and I just wanted to say a few things about the whole mess.
Granted I've probably whined about this a lot but I think it is just wrong to do something like that. Deny a woman entrance somewhere just because she is pregnant? That is just wrong.
Moving forward I had a bit of a scare…
went into pre term labor, this was a tad scary as well as stressful. Despite the her body and the baby conspiring with each other for an early release, the medical staff was able to keep the baby inside for now. This is sad for her because she has put in so much work for school and is now on bed rest. I know the baby's health is tantamount, but it is a bit rough to see all her hard work moved aside because our daughter wants to come early. this was also her first time in a hospital and what do they do? They turn her into a human pin cushion, she got and IV right off the bat and, recieved a couple shots of steroids to help with the baby's lungs maturing. So she stayed for a good four days or so and was discharged on Fri. I stayed with her as much as I could through the whole thing. I think I annoyed some of the daytime staff, but our night time nurse loved me, only because I ran around like a mad man getting things for . So she is home healthy and a bit crabby with the prospect of spending a lot of time home now. Yeah I can understand that Im sure she will run into cabin fever REAL soon.
Next, Im now sick….
I think the stress of this latest escapade, school, work, and a bug that has been making its rounds has finally caught me and given me a cold. I've never really been truely kick you in the ass sick before. But I am now, all I can say is JEEBUS…No wonder so many people whine when they are sick. I hate being sick, I had the shakes and my body could figure out whether it was cold or hot and am Im all stuffy and crap. YECH! I just hope my immune system gets a clue and kicks this colds ass like it normally does. Im used to sniffle, sniffle, sore throat, and a bit of sleep and thats it. Nothing really much worse. So here I am so bad I had to call me mum to pick up milk and cough drops for me and the bed resting woman. EEP! Ah well I should get to sleep finally so I can hopefully make it to work. Nite all
Oh yeah
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