I just sat there staring as I couldn't sleep. I stared at my reflection and tried to get myself to fall asleep. It wasn't working, but as I stared at that drained, haggard, chubby visage I thought about a few things. What has really made me what I am today. I have a lot of great stories for friends when we are drinking and bragging, yet they seem sort of hollow when I think about telling them to my daughter. I've done and seen a lot of things as well as felt a few things that have helped me see the world in a different life. I don't think anything that has happened to me has destroyed my world view in anyway. Each new experience has helped open my eyes to a new point of view and a new aspect of beauty. I sound like some sort of wacked out earth mother thats been drinking too much when I talk like this, but it is rare when I talk about what I think about and try to communicate how I see the world.

I don't normally try because when I experience the world I experience it a lot differently than most people. When it comes to food its texture foremost and taste after that. When it comes to people I associate a color with them and come to recognize them because of a flash of color in my mind. Music is expereinced by closing my eyes and watching colors dance. Love, love that has been the coolest one to get to know lately. Love is like a warm hug and spatterings of light and lots of goose bumps. As I said kind of hard to communicate but thats the closest I can get to it. It does result in happiness and contentment but those are kind of secondary and just repercussions rather than the experience itself.

I kept staring and just tried to get to know myself. Some people believe that the eye is the window to the soul and if you sit somewhere and focus on another persons eye you can get to know them without saying a single word. That would be very very boss, and I think its why I don't look people in the eye a lot. When I do, you know you have my complete trust, or at least I know that you have my complete trust. Hrm….I am wierd….I need to sleep…..