I saw my first roach in our building last night as I did some laundry. It was quite funny, it kind of reminded me of that scene in Beetlejuice where the roach is all huge and is like, “Hi, how ya doin?”. I went about my business and put my clothes in the washer, when I realized it had climbed to about eye level on the wall. So I took off my sandal and tried to swat him. He escaped by dropping to the floor, no big deal. I left and let my clothes wash. I went back down at the end of the drying cycle of my first load and noticed there is no roach to be found. That's when I looked up for some strange reason and saw a roach falling at great speed towards me complete with the imagined high pitched “BANZAI!”. I leapt to the side only to have him land on my foot. Normally this would be no big deal, but I don't like creepy crawlies on my feet ever since I stepped on a centipede and got stung. So I flipped out and kicked my foot. The roach sailed through the air and I swore I heard a high-pitched, “I'll be BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!”. I thought nothing of it as he scurried under the garbage can and went about my business again. I finished up and found the roach eye level on the wall again. Like a samurai of old I unsheathed my sandal and felt its familiar weight in my hand. Then with a war whoop I swung, putting everything I have into it. No roach will best me. He scurried away, because of my whoop, but I compensated and nicked him anyway. The roach fell to the floor and began to writhe in what can only be agony(I hoped), and began to limp off. I prepared for the killing blow, when I realized, he had fought with honor, so I let him limp under the floor heater. All I can say is he better be a he and not a pregnant she, otherwise Im fucked when I go back to the laundry room.

I recieved an email from one of my good friends that I had lost contact with. Silly how a simple revalation could lead to a break down in communication but it did. Though I really didn't do much to prevent it. It was great to see her words although they seemed tinged with regret as well as a bit of jealousy at my eminent marriage. I can hardly fault her for her life has been hard in the past and it has only gotten harder. For these hard times ahead I can only extend my wishes for good luck and a fervent hope that things will get better for you kiddo. She is right however in that my moods still are cyclic, apperantly I can't kick the curse of my genetics as I had once hoped. As I opened her email I got scared by the biting words that may have graced its electronic parchment. But I encountered none, just encouragement and congradulations on two great occurances in my life. I think I will keep in touch this time, as well as reply to her missive. I just had too write this here, because I needed to sort things out a bit before I replied. Again good luck kiddo, I will reply.

Dancing babies? Well you should see my daughter bust a groove to some of the phat jams we have playin right now, although she seems hungry now so see yas.

Lately I've been kind of down. I've been thinking about and I think I have the answer to my problem. Im already missing my past life. I sat there thinking about it and looking at all my pictures, and I've gotten a few calls from friends asking me to go out and celebrate graduations or landmarks in their lives. It depesses me to know that I used to do all that on a whim. I used to travel and disappear for days at a time. Now. I have to grow up and be responsible. This new section of my life isn't a disappoinment, nor is it something I loathe or regret. It's more of missing my freedom and ability to just do things when ever. This situation is probably agravated by the fact that we have no car so we are pretty much sequestered at home unless we manage to finagle a ride out of someone. I do miss the adventures and the unpredictability of my life that was. I tell my stories and I realize they are great stories and even movie plots according to some people. Yeah but Im moving on and I think part of me doesn't want too, not just yet.

Then I look at my daughter as she lays on her stomach scrteaming because she just learned how too. How I laugh when she does that and she sucks her bottom lip then begins to make baby coos. How seems happy to just be home when she gets home from work. How there are times her hugs just help me cope with life and crap within it. This makes me happy, though I feel stagnant now. Like I need something more. Happiness is there, I just can't really cope with the stress anymore.

The whole semester has been one big stress fest. H never really being happy around me, Riley needing constant care even when H was home, no car, wedding plans, work, and last of all having to pay most of our bills. Im ready to explode I think, everything is seeming to aggravate me, I feel caged up again. Why can't I just feel free again?

I really should, but I can't really sleep, due to all the naps I took through out the day. I need to sleep because I work tomorrow morning and well Im not the greatest morning person. Im thinking it might finally be time to take my bike out and start riding it again, you know health reasons and all. Blah, I have really nothing interesting to say except maybe I should pass out. I think I'll try.

Well the check has been cut. I have yet to physically drop it in the drop box. But it is now done! YaY! for me.

Ri actually finished more than 3/4ths of her cereal! Well I don't know how much she actually swallowed but I know we dished out about 3/4ths.

We had another night out last night and it rocked. We went bowling with a couple couples I work with. It was great fun and the 3rd game was actually a game, rather than the normal slaughterfest that seems to happen when I bowl in groups. I actually came purty close to not hitting 100 in the last game that was kewl. Another thing, I didn't go all agro when we sat in the lounge and kareoke was goin on. said she's gonna try and drag my friends along when she wants to go next time.

In other news, Ri and I had a heart to heart today. She promised to try and scream less and I promised to try and be less grumpy between the hours of 4AM-11AM. How we came to that agreement I have no idea, but I will only keep my end if she keeps hers.