life seems to be moving forward at a great clip. Yet I feel as if I am standing still and kind of just paddling against this current which is kicking my ass. Im happy and most things in my life still bring me joy, but I just feel stagnant. My meanderings which happen in my mind don't keep me amused for as long anymore and its kind of disconcerting. What can one do but kind of just go with tha flow, ja? That sucks for me because I've always been one of those people who makes my way and doesn't just flow. Such is life I spose.

Yeah weird dreams is right. The first of many wierd dreams involved a BBQ. Nothing fancy just a gathering of a lot of my close friends. The wierd part was when I looked for Heather and couldn't find her, instead I found my old friend Stef workin on stuff in the kitchen. I see her 2 girls playing with my Ri and they all proceed to attack me. I have fun wrestling and then I realized they all called me dad. WHOA! That was almost a wake up right there. Well we all go out with the last BBQ side dishes to hear some obscure techno song. To which Stef says, “That's our song.” WHOA! WHOA! I hear a high pitch scream from behind me, when I turn around I see her husband and he's running at me with a knife. ACK! I close my eyes and wake up with my heart racing.

This one is more along the lines of what Im used too. There is nothing but white surrounding me as I kind of just float there. I hear voices whispering in the background so I try and focus on them. I make out bits and pieces, none helpful to me in my predicament. I hear a lil girls voice listing colors pretty strongly so I focus on that voice. The color list continues for a long while and I kind of feel like Im dozing, when I hear, “The box is empty.” I chuckle, just because it was funny at the time. The voice returns but she is talking to me.
H = Her
M = Me
P = Palo the Tortoise refer here for the deets on this kid

H: Do you know why it's empty?
M: You ran out?
H: No, do you know why it's empty?
M: You took all the colors out.
H: No, you really don't know why it's empty do you?
M: Not really I spose, do you know why?
H: No, but I bet the turtle does.
*She materializes as a cute lil asian looking child with pigtails*
*Enter turtle, both of them are on a white backdrop*
P: We meet again.
M: Palo?!?
P: Sure, do you know why it's empty?
M: Nope.
*A huge water fall materializes behind both of them*
H: Because you are empty.
P: You don't know who you are.
*rainbow crosses the falls*
H: What you are.
P: Why you are you.
*Birds race skyward from the treetops*
H: Where you are going.
M: How can I fill it?
*The colors of the forest kind of melt together and kind of become a collage*
P: Happy, skippy, flippy, dippy sunshine wak-antics.
H: Smiles and love.
M: Can't I ever dream like a normal person?
*I hear baby cries in the distance*
H: Maybe but then you wouldn't be my dad.

My eyes snapped open because Ri was crying at the time and I had to get up from my nap on the couch. yeah explain that one to me.

My reality is there, my altered reality is here, yet they seem to intermingle way too often. Too many drugs? You decide.