So my wife has left, she is gone for a week and a day.
I thought I'd be strong not a nerd.
However, my brain wants to consipre against me.
When I have a quiet moment I can literally hear tha abacus clicking away and calculating the precise minute/second/nanosecond she should be back.
I am a huge nerd.

I was thinking last night about my demeanor lately.
I've been bitter and angry, and not supportive of all the shopping lately.
I realized it was because i was bitter about all the money we spent on the trip.
We could have definitely had our car back up and running without it.
I never wanted to talk to my wife about it because Im sure she would have felt guilty and not excited about the trip.
I didnt want that, I want her to have fun.

I also want her to find out if she can handle international flights for our traveling later on.
I want her to enjoy this week and have lots of fun, not fret about money.
So I figured I would just spend a lotta money when my mid life crisis hits.
HA! Ima bastard.

Actually I told her how I felt last night and it led to no harsh words or even hurt feelings.
this whole day I've felt happy and almost joyous, sadly the house is slow to be cleaned up.
I've been trying but something extends its will against me and my cleaning efforts.
Im about to do some laundry to thwart the anti-cleaning vibe.

The will would be Riley, she decimates all I clean.
Maybe more will get done tomorrow.

I still lament not having direction right now.
But it's not as horrific as I once thought it was,
Maybe i should go to school and take a couple clases I'll actually enjoy.

i feel empty again,
But I feel happy too.
Strange how they works, hey?!?
My family makes me happy and I am happy around them.
This insidious sadness and deep despair seems to be only a grumpy moment away.
My dreams are getting dark and morbid now.
Disjunct images and random voices.
Worse yet is the occasional scream.

My daughter and wife are my only saving grace.
I can look at them and forget, at least for now.
Money worries are always hounding me.
I just want to live comfortably.
I hope my wife has fun on her trip, she deserves it.
My daughter is sleeping at night now, YAY!

I just have to make sure and get me lazy arse up to start her day on time.
We have a new plan, I like it, though it kind of frightens me.
I think we can do it, I just need to find direction and quick!
Do I really want to run my own resturant/bar?
Or will i be happy trying to do free lance webwork?!?
I think I'll just go to school for both.

When I awoke, I didn't remember my dream.
Is ignorance bliss?
Or am I growing in a way I might not want to right now.

Ugh, too much dreariness,
Too much emptiness.
I think we need to go to the mountains this Sunday, if only for a drive.

So now I move on to the good and happy:
We have a car for a couple weeks
My daughter will not stop babbling, it's great to hear her running through the house nowdays
She sleeps for the majority of the night now, and we kept her in her crib last night,
My wife is heading to Belize and will get to play with reptiles and amphibians.
I will get to rent some prOn and drink beer for a couple nights when me mum has my daughter.
Wild party mayhap?!? Heh, Im just waiting for the veto on that.
Im starting to get a regularish paycheck now that Im dishing for work. This is good because it gets me off the floor more often.
Less grumpy Rob. I have to shower less too! ;P
Im still a nerd, and I am plotting on getting the pieces to 3 systems my friend is scrapping. Ohhhhhhhhhh yeah frankenstein machine here I come!
Im still trying to make headway into the whole new job arena, we shall see how that works.
If worse comes to worse I can probably resign as a waiter and move to the kitchen full time, KM loves me.
I can't wait til April, Im gonna be old and we can start taking out some spring clothes for “El Jefe”
We got a pretty well sized return this year, so I can fulfill my fantasy of a new bedspring, maybe even a mattress.
We might have Gus fixed as well, we shall have to examine our finances and see if we can really afford this new financial strain.
With getting regular sleep I've had more time to think and be a bit more chipper.
Headaches come and go now, but most of the time my wife can snap me out of my doldrums.
Well I gotta go listen to my music at work and talk some smack.