So here we are again with my update of the year.
I’ve been apathetic and just plain grumpy lately.
To everybody I haven’t really made much effort to keep in contact with I apologize, it’s just been a rough couple months. let me start with the bad as it is a tale of woe and near depressive catatonia. Seriously, I wouldn’t lie about this, I mean it’s teh internetz!!!! Read more

I stand at an edge.
I jump….eyes closed.
I fly towards whatever waits.
Ready….finally ready Read more

So my unemployment has been denied!  Because of mis appropriation of company funds!  I forgot to ring up 2 sodas!  I am still a bit livid even though I found out on Sat.  I have to get my appeal done quick like and get it mailed in.  I have yet to find a new job, yet I have a lead, I just hope it goes through soon.  I need to get over to Buca di Bepo as well one of my friends said she would hire me there.  I figure if I can get a job there, then I can move to part time if my lead ever goes anywhere.  It sounds promising especially since I keep pulling stuff I know out of my hidden places and blow the dust off.  Who knew my experiments with Flash would be so marketable, even though I decided it wasn’t really right for my website.  I just feel lost and angry right now.  I think I should go ad take my daughter outside.  I hope they finally call with a job offer.

So I’ve been “let go” from my job. I figured it’d be coming, but not this soon. I think I am just more irrate at the timing rather than the actual firing. We were trying to get a car and get daycare taken care of for the lil one. I’ve already got a line on a new job and I hope that they call with the good news soon. I am calling around trying to get infor on businesses that ask for a faxed resume. You know I figure if I have the right company name on my cover letter that might make me a bit more hirable. Im also looking into teller positions, I think my wife would appreciate me having to dress up for work everyday. She likes it when I dress up. I am still looking for a car since that would aid in my job search and moving around the city to get to my future job. Read more

So i have been officially married for 1 year.
This amazes me more than scares or intimidates me.
That year just flew by, and now we are on to the next.
What will it bring? It seems like it will be even harder than this last year, however it sounds more fun too. Read more

I’ve been been fuming since Sat, and trying not to take it out on my wife and child. It’s not their fault nor is it almost anybody else’s except to the people who reneged on their promise to us. Vegas is out for one of us now. I think I should go, but I don’t really want to go without my wife. I promised to show her a better time there and well I just don’t know how I would do by myself in this dynamic that is going. She is definitely my controlling factor and my balancing force when any sort of excess is presented to me. In short she’s my concience who could kick my ass. So Im not even sure Im going to go myself now. I think I might just give some money to our ride and save up for my friends bachelor party. He invited me and they are travelling to somewhere. Not sure right now, but he expressed wanting me there. So maybe this happened to I could save tha money or something. I don’t know it just irritates me that we get crap from these people for not coming around more, yet we are the lowest man on their totem pole of importance. I think I should go take care of the girls now.

Nothing seems normal anymore.
Just one big stress ball.
Lately I’ve been pining for the days when I had the freedom to go wherever whenever.
I feel trapped and caged.
I think this may attribute to my bastardization for the last few weeks.
I despise being a bastard, but it seems to come naturally to me. Read more

I was thinking last night about my demeanor lately.
I’ve been bitter and angry, and not supportive of all the shopping lately.
I realized it was because i was bitter about all the money we spent on the trip.
We could have definitely had our car back up and running without it.
I never wanted to talk to my wife about it because Im sure she would have felt guilty and not excited about the trip.
I didn’t want that, I want her to have fun. Read more

I haven’t been updating lately because of the mix of emotions I feel. So I think I will post them into categories right now just to get it all off my chest, the good and the bad. Read more

Oh yeah the real deal right now is for some reason Ri is no longer in the Medicaid database. That’s right boys and girls she is no longer covered, nor is she acknowledged as a a person in my household. I called our new case worker, who is actually a great girl and is trying to sort this out for me, to ask about Ri’s insurance being cancelled 10/31. Normally after a year we have to re-certify the young one, and we were ready for that. Sadly, somehow in their switch to new ownership they “lost” her records? This wouldn’t disturb me much but she is the one who needs the coverage more than I or H, and she isn’t even in the datdabase according to our case worker. H and I show up, but no , strange. Im working on it and it seems like it will be handled hella faster than their initial enrollment. Wel I best get off line they said they would call back after lunch. Wish us luck, because I don’t like the feeling that my lil one is not covered by insurance. No stress bay bee, no stress! Although babies that do nothing but scream and whine are a bit of a pain.

So I’ve come to find that my emotions are very cyclical. I’ve had various people throughout my life point it out but I idon’t think I’ve admitted it to myself until recently. I see myself looking up as I slide down towards that pit known as Male PMS. Where Im edgy and take offense to everything. Where was I when I when I was standing at the brink, why am I now just realizing Im slipping down? Read more

Jimminy cripes! So I back up data to cd and rolled up my sleeves to begin the whole reinstall of Windows. Well I got the reinstall done with a few problems with drivers and such, YaY! Now I pop in our data cd all programs on the cd are corrupt and random pic files are corrupt. So far all text files seem to be fine but IM kind of afraid to deal with it right now. Im going to finish taking everything I can off the cd and then finally set up profiles. Read more

So I called our apartment office to verify that we did not have to worry about rent for this coming August. She affirms, then I ask to renew our lease for another year. This is where it gets a bit dicey. She says fine then says rent is due on the 1st. Pardon?!? I thought we got the last month of our lease for free, yes but the stipulation blah blah blah blah. Essentially we had to pay our rent a month in advanced to get this place, no big deal, though Im wondering is renewing your lease really renewing your lease? I’ve always thought you start brand spanking new with your new lease contract. I never thought as they are saying here that it’s the same rental contract, just extented. Anyways I have a total of like $200 in my hands for rent that is due in 3 days. I would opt for month to month or even just paying for a half prorate so I can find a new place to live, but all of this would require money we don’t have. Because by the agents definition we have to pay by the 3rd for what ever we decide. I think I might get my 30 day notice ready just in case. That will just take a whole bunch of time and patience I don’t have. So now we have no car, we potentially have no place to live and we need to find our new place on a major bus route, yet close enough so I can continue to bike to work. I just don’t get it, Im stressed, and just can’t seem to catch a fucking break!

Im finally tired at the right time. I’ve been having troubles with my sleeping patterns lately and lots of trouble keeping my cool. I’ve become irritable and very moody. I hit my breaking point of being the great bf and future husband when hit the hospital with her pre-term labor. I think it just hit me hard that I am going to have to get out there and make sure my family has enough to survivie on as well as work me arse off in school to make sure my family has a good future. I spazzed and well there were a couple bad days here, which I hope to never repeat, just because I don’t like being mad and I don’t like being mad at her. Breaking point was the fact that I was and felt sick when we were supposed to go to our birthing class. I just tried and tried to get moving but I couldn’t I felt that bad, she thought I was just being lazy and not wanting to go, I did. Oh well, all is in the past, both of us were stressed and frazzled and we both realized this when we finally talked this week. So I’ve decided that talkin is good and not as bad or burdensome to the recipient as I once thought. I am almost normal, well normal for me right now, the only thing I can think of at this moment is mayhap that Im well kinda off. I mean I did get sick and came down and still feel like Im a bit ill, but it wasn’t so much an illness as a change of who I am. I just felt hollow and lost. AGAIN. gds, I hate it when that feeling comes over me, I mean I really have no reason for it right now and hope to not have any reason in the future. Read more

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Can’t people just learn a little bit on their computer. Or at least spare me the drama and get to the POINT! Running around in circles is what they seem best at. Come on help me out, I know I’m only a lowly tech, but you could at least pretend I’m a kewl guy for attempting to fix your problem.